Through many seasons of my life, I felt like a character in a story, but someone else’s story. I was a supporting role. I was not the lead. I accepted the powerlessness of this position and submitted to what others needed from me or wanted from me. I became who I was supposed to be, not who I was meant to be. I was a victim of circumstances and others.
Accepting the victim position that things just happened to me, I was often frustrated. I declared others were my perpetrators. Others were my persecutors, creating havoc and destruction in my life. In his book called “Getting to Zero”, Jayson Gaddis speaks of this victim position and how to resolve it for more success. “When attempting to overcome a conflict (or crisis), think of yourself as a victim on the move, on your way to being the author who works through the conflict,” says Gaddis. We become the author of the new narrative. Authors have power.
As I began to rectify this powerlessness in my own life, I experienced less anxiety and less worry. I didn’t feel like I was in a storm being battered around by my circumstances. Instead, I felt as though I was a decisionmaker able to choose my path through storms or crisis. I had choices. I was the hero of my own story for once. I was the lead. I was the author.
As Gaddis points out, becoming the author removes us from the victim. We escape Dr. Karpman’s Drama Triangle when we are no longer the victim. No longer making someone else our persecutor or villain. The Drama Triangle traps us in a vicious cycle of perpetrator, victim and seeking a rescuer. The entrance which is often from the victim mindset. A mindset of powerlessness seeking to make our lives someone else’s fault and asking those around us to validate this mentality.
Becoming an author of our lives is empowering. It allows for options and choices we cannot see or grasp as a victim. The author position is one of strength. Resilience thrives and grows in the author position. Risks can be taken because the choices to succeed or fail are our own. Learning to grow and change for the better becomes a new challenge. Love is deeper because we can first love ourselves when we are the author.
What is the story you are letting someone else write?
Where is the story not your own?
What story are you not living and owning as yours?
Become the author of your own epic journey through life.