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Belonging or Speaking Up

What does it mean to be an outlier? What does rejection and exclusionary behavior do to our soul? Our self esteem?

We are hard wired to be included. To be in relationship. To belong. It’s a basic need we have to be in relationship. That doesn’t have to be a romantic one. We don’t have to be a couple, but we have to be loved. We fight this feeling so much that at times we don’t speak up. We want to be part of the group. Go along with the crowd. It's not peer pressure that keeps us from advocating or putting our voice in the room, it's belonging. We want to be liked, to be part of the group. We want to belong.

There are moments we must be aware of this pull to belong. We need to nurture it in our lives and make sure we are deep with people in our inner circle. We are connecting at critical points in our lives and our day. We must build relationships and have connection. We must also have our individuality.

We must be outliers. We must stand alone. We must put our voice in the room over something that matters. Belonging isn’t at risk in this if we have built relationships the right way. If we are friends that give and not take. If we are vulnerable and real and authentic with the people in our lives then belonging is never at risk.

Swimming upstream is necessary when it aligns with our values. When something important is on the line. When we can feel our heart beating out of its chest because we are holding in our thoughts or ideas. Those thoughts and ideas are outliers. We can almost hear the crazy in them just thinking, let alone saying them out loud. So what if they are crazy. So what if they are different. So what if no one reacts to them or you with acceptance.

Get them to listen. Get them to understand. Speak up. We must advocate for what our hearts think is right or there will be dissonance in our psyche and in our soul. We will lose sleep. We will lose courage. We will lose belief in ourselves.

An outlier in an experiment is the one point that is way off the trend or norm. Sometimes an outlier is where the answer lies. It reveals something about the experiment or data that we must observe to understand more fully. There are also times that we throw out the outlier. But not until we observe it. Count it and weigh it.

Not speaking up has a cost. The experiment didn’t even get to weigh in on the data if you don’t speak up and put your voice in the room. You owe it to yourself and others to be an outlier no matter how risky it feels to you.

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