You Don't Have a Trust Problem; You Have a Chemistry Problem

I have encountered countless situations of broken trust in professional relationships and

in executive teams. The work has to be done to rebuild trust. Now that I’ve done this

research, I see trust differently. Through the research I found that chemistry preceded

trust. In fact, the presence of chemistry could accelerate trust building.

I expected the opposite.

I assumed trust would need to be established first and that chemistry would emerge

afterward.

What I found was that chemistry often emerged quickly, even when trust was still

developing.

And once chemistry emerged, progress followed.

Then trust followed, or not. Because the research even showed that for pairs where

trust wasn’t yet established, chemistry was alive and well and progress was made. The

relationship deepened and outcomes took place.

That distinction matters because many leaders spend enormous amounts of time trying

to build trust. They worry about whether people trust them.

They wonder why a team isn't connecting.

They focus on repairing trust deficits.

Yet sometimes what appears to be a trust problem is actually a chemistry problem.

Chemistry functions like a dynamic system. It is influenced by a variety of conditions

that determine whether a relationship deepens, stabilizes, or collapses. When chemistry

emerges between two people, something important begins to happen.

Shared meaning-making develops.

People begin making sense of things together.

That shared sense-making leads to coordinated action.

Coordinated action creates progress.

Progress builds confidence.

And confidence creates momentum for even more progress.

The cycle begins to reinforce itself.

This is why I find chemistry so fascinating. It is not simply a feeling. It creates

movement.

What does this look like in practice?

In my research, two factors stood out as particularly important: continuity and rhythm.

Continuity is consistency over time.

In a coaching relationship, continuity means remembering what matters to the other

person. It means carrying forward conversations, challenges, goals, and experiences

from one interaction to the next. It creates a sense of history. It signals that we are

paying attention.

The same principle applies to leadership.

When leaders remember what their people are wrestling with, follow up on previous

conversations, and connect today's discussion to yesterday's challenge, they create

continuity.

People feel seen.

People feel remembered.

People feel that the relationship matters.

Rhythm is different.

Rhythm is the cadence of the relationship.

It is found in how we greet one another. How we begin conversations. How we create

space for connection before moving into tasks and agendas. How we close meetings

and conversations. How we establish patterns that people can rely on.

A warm greeting.

A genuine question.

A few moments of authentic connection.

A thoughtful follow-up.

These small moments create rhythm.

And rhythm creates stability.

Together, continuity and rhythm strengthen chemistry. As chemistry strengthens, trust

has an opportunity to grow.

What I find most encouraging is that trust does not have to be the first step.

Trust can feel elusive, particularly with people who are naturally cautious or slow to

trust. Chasing trust directly can sometimes feel like running a marathon with no finish

line in sight.

Chemistry offers a different starting point.

Focus on creating the conditions for shared meaning-making.

Focus on continuity.

Focus on rhythm.

Focus on progress.

Because sometimes the path to trust is not through trust itself.

Sometimes the path to trust begins with chemistry.