You Don't Need Buy-In. You Need Chemistry.

Leaders have been taught to chase buy-in.

We hold town halls. Build PowerPoints. Explain the rationale. Answer questions. Repeat

ourselves in hopes that people will eventually get on board.

But if we're honest, employees can often feel what's happening beneath all of that effort.

One definition of persuasion is "to prevail upon."

To convince. Influence. Win someone over.

And isn't that often what buy-in feels like?

Someone is trying to get me there.

Overcome my resistance.

Manage my reaction.

I don't know about you, but I don't particularly enjoy being prevailed upon.

Even with the best intentions, employees can sense when the goal is convincing rather

than understanding. They nod in meetings while quietly rehearsing objections. They

comply publicly while remaining unconvinced privately.

No one enjoys feeling managed into agreement.

For years, I assumed leaders simply needed better communication strategies.

Then I studied chemistry.

During my doctoral research on chemistry in executive coaching relationships, I

discovered something unexpected. Chemistry wasn't luck, charisma, or personality fit. It

emerged under identifiable conditions. And once chemistry emerged, people moved.

Not because they had been convinced.

Because they had connected through chemistry.

My research identified six relational "gates" that help chemistry emerge:

• Legitimacy: Can I trust you to lead me there?

• Dignity: Do I matter beyond the agenda?

• Containment: Is there enough consistency and structure to feel safe?

• Agency: Do I still have choice and voice?

• Attunement: Do you truly see and understand me?

• Orientation: Do I know where we're going and why it matters?

  
  

These gates don't happen in order. But when even one begins to open, something

shifts.

Resistance softens.

Momentum builds.

People lean in.

What if the conditions that create chemistry also create the conditions for engagement,

alignment, and commitment?

The leaders I know are exhausted from trying harder to get buy-in.

Maybe what they need isn't another persuasion strategy.

Maybe they need to stop chasing buy-in altogether.

Because when the conditions for chemistry are present, people don't have to be

convinced.

They choose to participate.